Yvonne a des ennuis

It's kinda sad but the best way to bond with my sister is to hate our mother together. She's younger than me, but much more mature. She's also the only family member who doesn't dismiss my all my problems as personality flaws. We fight a lot and get on each other's nerves most of the time, but in the end we're on the same side of barricade.

Today, I went to her room to tell her something and take a look at her new schedule for summer semester. Mom totally went in just so she could complain how we never do anything (coming from a person who didn't clean her stuff in last twenty years, these words means nothing to me) and how she's so tired and her hand still hurts and blah...yeah, she did something to her pinkie like three weeks ago when playing voleyball and still refuses to do something about it (other than complaining how much her life sucks, that is). My sister is even less amused than me about this - she goes to med school and really hates when people do nothing about their injuries/long term problems and then complain for months.

Anyway, I think I feel much better after half and hour talking about how we don't understand how our parents are still together. We even have a bet on how long they're gonna stay together after we both leave. Sad but true.

There used to be a time in my life when I blogged a lot. I'd like to think it wasn't boring and pointless (measured by the fact how many readers I had before I locked it because attention is something I simultaneously crave and despise), though I mostly wrote because I needed to ventilate my frustrations and/or depression (among other things). I used to be a full-time blogger, now look at me.

I have nothing to post about - my love life doesn't even exist, my social life consists of drinking with people from work. I don't have meatspace friends and it's not like I'm going to meet anyone when I spend all my free time on internet/obsessing over fictional characters/adoring French celebrities. I suppose that makes me a proper hermit. There goes my 15yo self, thinking I'd have my life sorted by this time. No fucking way.

Every year, I get a few steps closer to the cat lady stereotype. I sure will end up like that, even though I have a hard time keeping myself functioning, so getting a cat wouldn't be a good idea right now. Plus I still live with my parents (read as: Yvonne is a loser) who aren't very fond of pets in general. My parents must be really disappointed with me and the way I (fail to) manage my life. Not that I blame them (there are other things to blame on them, and it's not a short list), I really am failing at basic things. How does one go from reasonably angsty teenager with potential to being an immature adult with no social life? Oh well...

I didn't work this week and even though I always wish to have more free time (so I can spend it doing nothing at all), I became bored pretty quickly. Not bored like gimme something to watch or read bored, more like Sherlock bored. Nothing could catch my interest and I realized how bad my tendency to watch movies constantly hitting fast forward button got. I know I have no patience and my attention span is comparable to attention span of a gold fish. That's not something new. But when you watch three movies in less than two hours and still feel bored, you really have a problem. I'm trying to work at this and I'm certainly better functioning than last year, still... This is gonna take time. Years, most likely. Another few years being a hermit? Is it bad that I kinda like the thought?

Anyway, I decided to rewatch Weirdsister College today and renewed my enthusiasm about shipping Tim and Azmat. Flo, they are just so married! I wish I knew someone who at least watched the show, though. This is the one thing I don't like about little fandoms and obscure ships: you don't have anyone to talk with. And this isn't even my most obscure OTP. I ship some characters from stories with literally no fandom (Algar Tarch, for example). This is the only time I wish I had a meatspace friend like I had at highschool. We liked tons of different things but we also had a lot in common. We loved different books and she was obsessed with horses and other animals, while I loved gaming and music, but in the end, I knew I could talk to her about anything I wanted. It was a good time but I guess everything passes. People don't stay in my life forever for a reason. I either drive them away or they get bored of putting up with me. I'm an impossible person to live with.

I should probably be sad about being so lonely but unless I have a bad time, it's actually quite easy to all by myself. No one to put up with, no one to bother me wqhen all I wanna do is to watch TV. We'll see how many years it takes me to stop being such a social loser.