Pointless post of a social toaster

There used to be a time in my life when I blogged a lot. I'd like to think it wasn't boring and pointless (measured by the fact how many readers I had before I locked it because attention is something I simultaneously crave and despise), though I mostly wrote because I needed to ventilate my frustrations and/or depression (among other things). I used to be a full-time blogger, now look at me.

I have nothing to post about - my love life doesn't even exist, my social life consists of drinking with people from work. I don't have meatspace friends and it's not like I'm going to meet anyone when I spend all my free time on internet/obsessing over fictional characters/adoring French celebrities. I suppose that makes me a proper hermit. There goes my 15yo self, thinking I'd have my life sorted by this time. No fucking way.

Every year, I get a few steps closer to the cat lady stereotype. I sure will end up like that, even though I have a hard time keeping myself functioning, so getting a cat wouldn't be a good idea right now. Plus I still live with my parents (read as: Yvonne is a loser) who aren't very fond of pets in general. My parents must be really disappointed with me and the way I (fail to) manage my life. Not that I blame them (there are other things to blame on them, and it's not a short list), I really am failing at basic things. How does one go from reasonably angsty teenager with potential to being an immature adult with no social life? Oh well...

I didn't work this week and even though I always wish to have more free time (so I can spend it doing nothing at all), I became bored pretty quickly. Not bored like gimme something to watch or read bored, more like Sherlock bored. Nothing could catch my interest and I realized how bad my tendency to watch movies constantly hitting fast forward button got. I know I have no patience and my attention span is comparable to attention span of a gold fish. That's not something new. But when you watch three movies in less than two hours and still feel bored, you really have a problem. I'm trying to work at this and I'm certainly better functioning than last year, still... This is gonna take time. Years, most likely. Another few years being a hermit? Is it bad that I kinda like the thought?

Anyway, I decided to rewatch Weirdsister College today and renewed my enthusiasm about shipping Tim and Azmat. Flo, they are just so married! I wish I knew someone who at least watched the show, though. This is the one thing I don't like about little fandoms and obscure ships: you don't have anyone to talk with. And this isn't even my most obscure OTP. I ship some characters from stories with literally no fandom (Algar Tarch, for example). This is the only time I wish I had a meatspace friend like I had at highschool. We liked tons of different things but we also had a lot in common. We loved different books and she was obsessed with horses and other animals, while I loved gaming and music, but in the end, I knew I could talk to her about anything I wanted. It was a good time but I guess everything passes. People don't stay in my life forever for a reason. I either drive them away or they get bored of putting up with me. I'm an impossible person to live with.

I should probably be sad about being so lonely but unless I have a bad time, it's actually quite easy to all by myself. No one to put up with, no one to bother me wqhen all I wanna do is to watch TV. We'll see how many years it takes me to stop being such a social loser.